Friday, June 24, 2011

Speaking a Love Language

Today I am reposting one of my favorites.  Enjoy!

Physical Touch is one of the Love Languages  weheartit

The other day I experienced a sweet moment when I caught myself using Troy's love language.

Are you familiar with love languages?  I first learned about this concept in college and was interested in learning more about it as a way to understand and relate more effectively to the women on my hall.  I never got around to purchasing the book until after I met Troy and then I was drawn to it for the fun (for me) quizzes in the back to discover your spouses primary love language.  It was like a self help book and a  Cosmo magazine all rolled up in one...the book version of a home run!  I had high hopes of exploring this book together and learning more about how to fill each others love tanks.  Troy had high hopes of avoiding reading anything that did not include the latest sports scores.  He won and so I was left to figure out his love language on my own. 

I read the book and took the (fun for me) quizzes at the end; one quiz for me and one quiz for him.  I had an idea of his love language and no clue what mine was.  While I knew this concept would work if I stuck with it, I got frustrated because I couldn't find a clear cut answer and my "putting into action" phase was short lived.   Eighteen months ago I was ready to tackle the subject again.  I read everything again and once again got very excited about the concept.  I still could not figure out my own love language, and was not able to pin Troy's down to just one.  Time to experiment!

Troy became the guinea pig in my experiment as I played with his emotions.  Don't worry, I was only creating positive emotions!  I would spend a minimum of one day on each language and do my best to speak it to the fullest.  In order to get his true response I never told him I was doing this.  It was easy to spot his primary language because I received overwhelmingly positive responses from him when I used "words of affirmation".  Score!

I used to buy or make small gifts for Troy all the time just to let him know that I was thinking of him.  He appreciated them, but never expressed the level of excitement that I was hoping to receive from him.  Why did I feel like the bat boy instead of the star player when I putting forth so much effort?  It took quite a while for me to realize that while "receiving gifts" is easy for me to do, it is not one of his top love languages.  It's important to speak each language, but I needed to pay more attention on the one that spoke the loudest to him. 

I read the book, took the quiz, and experimented so that I could do a better job of letting Troy know that I love him.  I read articles and think of ways to make myself better at speaking Troy's love language.  I practice over and over so that it is becoming easier for me.  Someday his primary love language may change and if it does I will learn to speak his new language fluently.

I hoped that this would make me a better wife, but I was not expecting the rush of adrenaline I get in those moments that I unexpectedly catch myself using his love language.  The cheerleaders go crazy and the band starts playing the pep song as I rush around high fiving everyone I can reach.  I did this for Troy, but I'm getting just as much, if not more, out of it as he is.  It feels amazing to know that I am making the decision to show my love in a way that works for him, even though it requires a little more effort on my part.  It is not second nature to me...yet, but I'm making progress.  You have to show up to practice every day and give all you've got if you want to make the team.  I want to stay on Troy's team and so I keep practicing.

If you are not familiar with The 5 Love Languages you can read more about it here, and take an online assessment to find our your primary language here.  This concept is for anyone you love, or want to love.  The link includes online assessments for single people and for children as well. 

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