Sunday, January 9, 2011

Let's try again!

Happiness Party (in my head tomorrow) by Martha Stewart

Friday was a rough day.  I was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted by lunch time and I was only half way through the day.  I had to give myself a pep talk before leaving the lunch room and returning to my desk...thank goodness there was no one else in there at the time!  By the time I got home I didn't know if I needed to ease my aching muscles in the hot tub or ease my heart with a good cry and my brain had turned to jello and was unable to make a decision. 

I was sitting in the hot tub that night reviewing my day and all the things that were weighing on my mind.  The extra physical duties that I had done that day did not bother me and in fact I somewhat enjoyed being completely exhausted at the end of the day.  The scraped knuckles, numerous paper cuts, and twisted ankle would go away and were temporary proof that I had done more than type away at the computer all day.  The looooong to-do list would still be waiting for me on Monday and I will be able to go into the day knowing what to expect.  I would be mentally prepared. 

The real problem was that I had a big spot in my heart that was holding an unreasonable amount of anger towards someone.  I was struggling to let go of the anger I was feeling.  Earlier in the day I had realized that I was letting this person decide what kind of day I would have and I had tried to change my attitude by singing one of my favorite "calm" songs, but it was short lived.  I probably spent 20 minutes complaining about this person and my day to Troy on the way home that night.  I could not let go of the negative.

As I was sitting in the hot tub I knew I needed to let my anger and frustration go.  I was gaining nothing by being so upset.  I was causing unnecessary pain to myself and putting negativity into the world when I voiced my complaints to others.

And so I told myself to let it go.  I took a deep breath and released the anger and the frustration.  Yes, that sounds cheesy, but it worked.  I felt my shoulders relax and tension in my back began to ease itself away.  I made the decision that this person did not deserve to have this kind of control over my life and I took the control back.

I worked hard that day and I should have been celebrating and patting myself on the back.  I decide if I'm having a good day or a bad day, not someone else, it's all up to me.  I made the decision to let anger build up inside of me and I made the decision to spread that negative attitude to others.  I choose my attitude and I chose a poor one that day.

Tomorrow I go back to work and it is going to be another day very similar to Friday, but this time will be different because I am not going to let someone else decide my mood for me.  Even if the day is a repeat of Friday I know that there is no sense in letting myself get upset.  I will focus on the positive and I will remind myself that I choose my attitude...and I will choose the right one this time!

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